Alice
by Neelh-v1
Summary: It was a normal day for Arthur Kirkland, if you ignored the fact that he was England. Oh, and that he was now Alice rather than Arthur... Just blame that madman in the big blue box T for subject, pairings inside. ON HIATUS
1. Chapter 1

So. Yeah. I've begun a new story. This is based on a play Rory the Roman, our friend and I did at Guides. Guess who I was! XD

Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia or Doctor Who. However, to right this wrong, I am plotting world domination.

Pairings: USUK, DoctorxSomeone, hopefully Rory... Possible PruCan/RusCan, one-sided FrancexEveryone, possible GerIta, possible Spamano.

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><p><strong>Chapter 1: ArthurAlice**

I walked through my large house, quietly humming to myself. I was bored, my boyfriend Alfred was at a meeting, and I was tired. I didn't understand why it was so stuffy, though. All the windows were open. Suddenly, I heard a noise from upstairs. Maybe Alfred was back and came to surprise me. It wouldn't be the first time he came through the window. I went to investigate, tiptoeing into our bedroom.

Suddenly, I was zapped by some unknown thing. My body morphed into strange shapes painfully. I staggered back, moaning and screaming. "Bloody hell! My vital regions!"

The last thing I remember before blacking out was a small fuzzy noise, like the static on a radio, and I knew that I was alone.

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><p>When I awoke, I felt distinctly different. My hair was heavier on my head, and I felt strange in my vital regions. I opened my eyes to be greeted by blurriness. "Bloody hell… What the hell just happened?"<p>

I sat up, feeling slightly dizzy. Then I looked down. My eyesight didn't improve, and at that moment, I felt really queasy.

I had breasts.

"What the hell?" I yelled, loud enough for the whole of London to hear me.

I jumped up and ran into my room. Alfred's spare glasses were on the desk, and I pulled them on. My eyesight was mostly corrected now. I looked down again. Damn, I really was a girl. I walked over to the wardrobe to find clothes that fitted. And if you're wondering why I had women's clothes in my and my boyfriend's wardrobe, I will not answer. Now I was dressed in a longish blue dress, with a white apron that was patched in a couple of places. My now long hair was in bunches and I looked completely unlike before. Well, except for the eyebrows. They were still bushy and thick. I doubted that those would ever change. With all the new changes, I felt like I really needed a cup of tea.

As soon as I put the kettle on, I wrestled with it temporarily due to my new form and finger length. Would Alfred still like me as a girl? I remember that he once told me that he would never leave me for some woman, the first reason being that he loved me, and the second being that women sucked. I replied, "On what?"

There was a ring on the doorbell, and I was alerted out of my Alfred-caused stupor. I opened the door, just a tiny crack, and gulped.

"For God's sake, why you?"

"Hello, Kirkland!"

The man standing outside my door had a ridiculously large hairstyle and a bow tie. A Scottish girl was standing beside him, wearing very little. She was ginger.

"You would turn up on my doorstep with one of my brother's siblings, wouldn't you?" I grumbled. "Come on in."

"Well, before you ask, you appear to have a capricious amount of telepathic coils in your attic and around your house. This technically means that-"

"There is an alien in my house?"

"Yep!" the Doctor grinned obliviously. He was worse than Alfred sometimes. A time-and-space travelling alien who happened to be an honorary Brit. This technically made him one of my citizens, despite the fact that he was a Time Lord from the planet Gallifrey.

I rolled my eyes as I poured our tea. The Doctor was eating a Jammy Dodger. He got through them like burgers. Curse that American idiot! Everything reminded me of him!

He looked up at me. "Something looks a little off about you. I don' know if it's just the new clothes or what…"

I hit him with a nearby broom that was within easy reach. "Maybe the fact that I've just been shot by some weird gender-changing alien?"

"Ah! That's it"

His new companion, Amy Pond, stared at me. "So you're a man, but you have women's clothing in your house. Is it your girlfriend's?"

I blushed furiously. The Doctor came to my defence. "Pond! Art-Alice has a boyfriend! He also happens to be Eng-"

"Shut up!" I snapped. "I'll tell her my personal details once I'm sure that she will keep them an absolute secret, and not at all if possible!"

I stood up and strode out of the room.

"Wait! Alice!" he cried. I pulled my mobile phone out of my pocket and tapped in a random number.

"Bonjour? Ah, l'Angleterre!"

I cursed. I'd accidentally called that bloody frog! "Shut up, Frog! I'm only calling you because I can't call Alfred."

"Angleterre? Why do you sound so feminine?"

"YOU FOOL! MAKE AN EDUCATED BLOODY GUESS!"

"…Yes!"

…Why was I already regretting this?


	2. Chapter 2

Gah! I checked my emails for the first time in ages, and there were 115 from here and wikia, which I no longer use. How to I stop the messages?

Nyah~. Doesn't matter. There's references to Evan Almighty in here, which I had to watch instead of doing music yesterday. I stood up for most of it, but I was with Rtr, so it was slightly more amusing. I attempted to draw her. XD I fail... I still don't own Hetalia or DW.

Thabk you to all the Prussiawesome people who watched and alerted, and whovianstudent for reviewing! I squeed with glee! ^.^

Pairings!

USUK (AmericaxEngland), GerIta (GermanyxItaly), AmyxRory (Brackets for the sake of brackets), RoChu (RussiaxChina), PruCan (PrussiaxCanada), one-sided FrUK (One-sided FrancexEngland). NiHun is still a very possible possibility, if I include her.

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><p><strong>Chapter 2: Day 2 of Feminity<strong>

The one thing I hate - well, one thing I hate - is being woken up by someone standing over me. Especially when it's four in the morning and I WANT TO SLEEP!

"Good morning!" beamed the Doctor. "We have had practically no alien attacks today!"

"And the go-bad news?" I yawned, rolling over under the sheets so my face was in the pillow.

"Well… You sort of have visitors, but they're distracted by Amy right now. Do you want to escape or say hi to them?"

"Does one have a stupid beard and wants to do my brother's citizen?" I asked, suddenly alert.

"…Well, yes."

"Get me the bloody hell out of here."

"Oh honhonhon!"

Too late. Damn!

France stood over me, rubbing his hands. "I must say, Arthur, you look ravishing-"

I rolled over and stuck my leg up in a motion I had perfected over the many centuries that I've had to deal with the idiot. "WHAT THE BLOODY HELL ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE?"

"Well, I just wanted to see how you were doing, Arthur!" he beamed, trying and failing at looking innocent while still staring at my new… Assets… "And I must say-"

"Do us a favour for once, you perverted coward. Don't," I said, sitting up and letting the covers fall away from my chest. Damn. I'd gone to sleep in a vest and pants. Too late now. "Who else has come with you, Frog?"

"The rest of the Allies, minus America, and the Axis. I think la Prussie tagged along, too."

"Well, that's just bloody brilliant."

"What's wrong with them?" the Doctor asked, his curiosity piqued.

"You want me to make a list?" I asked. "Fine. Russia is as creepy as hell, China… He's a guy, surprisingly. Don't let the Hello Kitty fool you, Italy is a white flag-waving coward, much like the Frog here, Prussia is arrogant, self-absorbed and not even a nation anymore, and Germany and Japan are alright, though Japan may wonder where I got the dress from…"

"Where DID you get that dress from, though?" asked both France and the Doctor at the same time, though in different tones.

I turned away. "When I was looking after America in World War 2… After Pearl Harbour… He said it would make him feel better… The pervert…"

France resisted a giggle. I resisted the urge to punch him in the face. Suddenly, there was a lot of feminine screaming from downstairs.

"…Is that China?" I asked.

We all ran downstairs to see who the victim was.

As we reached my living room, everyone was staring at the newly genderbent China. He now actually had breasts for South Korea to claim. That was the only difference. I couldn't help busting out in laughter.

"What?" he – no, she cried, looking angry and indignant. So her voice was a few octaves higher, too. I smirked. "Look, ahen! I can't help it that I'm naturally feminine!"

I spluttered. "I have to be honest, China. I was expecting you to turn into a man."

She punched me in the face. My tongue was bitten by my own teeth. Hard. "Can I help it? Just shut up, England!"

I turned as if I was about to walk away, then heard the snort of laughter. I span on my toe and kicked China in the stomach. As I turned to walk away a second time with a face red with anger and blood, I was stopped by a wall of a man. "Kolkolkol…"

I looked up at Ivan. He had a dark aura surrounding him. I had no time for this whatsoever! "Get out of the way, please," I growled. "Seriously, Russia, I cannot stand being in your ignorant presences anymore. I need to get bloody dressed!"

When he didn't move, I let out a massive punch. As he was naturally tall and I was even shorter than before, it hit him right in his vital regions. He flinched slightly, and I stormed past him to the stairs.

* * *

><p>Instead of changing, I stumbled to my room and looked through my drawers until I found a photo album and a bottle of something or other. I chugged down the drink as I looked through old pictures of me and Alfred. I cried a little bit. Finally, I decided to get dressed. Someone knocked on my door. I scowled. "Go away!"<p>

"A-Alice…" It was the Scottish girl, Amy, I think. "I'm going to come in anyway."

"No!" I shouted.

"It doesn't matter, I'm a girl too."

"I don't care about that!" I replied, but she had already come in. Why didn't I lock the damn door?

She sat on the bed next to me and looked at the photo album. "Who's he?" she asked, pointing at a picture of Alfred as a child. "Your nephew or something?"

I debated with myself for a few seconds on whether to tell her. "If I told you, I'd have to kill you."

She stared at me, then flicked to the end. There were actually some recent photos there, from about twenty to one year ago. She pointed at a picture from 2001, on the ninth of September. I sniffed, remembering that month. It was horrible, but a couple of days before then, I was on holiday in Blackpool with Alfred. It was raining and everyone was miserable and here was litter everywhere, but that was how I felt comfortable. We had just eaten at a nice café, and now we had set out in the rain with our umbrella. We sometimes got jeered at by homophobes, and some parents steered their children away from us, but we were happy.

"Is he your boyfriend?" she asked. I nodded, smiling. "He is... A complete _git_. That's why I love him."

"Did he ever pretend to be a part of a rock band to make up for a stupid hairstyle?" Amy asked, grinning. I found myself warming to her.

"Is that what your boyfriend does or did?"

She laughed. "Yeah! Then he had to learn how to play guitar! Still terrible, though."

We both laughed for a while. "It's weird, being a girl," I said. "I feel strange. My chest sticks out… Well, more than it did before. And I need to wear girl's clothes, because my normal ones are too big for me. My hair is longer and heavier, and my face… I'm still ugly, even as a girl."

Amy looked at me. "You're not ugly! You just have… Er… really, _really_ big eyebrows. But you just need to pluck them! Then they'll be normal and they won't hide your face."

I laughed humourlessly. "I doubt it. Have you ever seen a film called Evan Almighty?" She nodded. "Well, when he shaves and his beard keeps growing back, that's pretty much what happens to my eyebrows. So it's best not to."

There was nothing left to say, so I left the room. Then, on second thoughts, I ran back in, grabbed the broom from yesterday, and retreated to the rest of the house. Amy watched the girl disappear, then closed the photo album and returned it to the still-open drawer.

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><p>"England is such a moron, aru!" moaned China. "H-She came down, began bitching, then acted like it was our fault! Aiyah! She shouldn't have asked us to come!"<p>

France remained silent, staring at his nails. He didn't bother telling China that England, in fact, had told them to stay away. He didn't need to be hit by a wok and a lead pipe. It would ruin his beautiful face!

"Hey, guys!" beamed Italy. "It's America!" He was pointing to a blonde-haired man in conversation with the Doctor and Prussia.

"I thought you were in a meeting with your boss, America," said Germany. "I wasn't expecting you to come over here."

"I'm not America!" groaned Canada, at the same time that the Doctor and Prussia exclaimed, "He's not America! He's Canada!"

Canada blushed as pretty much everyone stared at him and shifted his weight awkwardly from one foot to the other.

"Oh yeah," Italy said, tilting his head to the side. "He looks more like France than America. Longer hair, prettier eyes…"

If Prussia was drinking at that moment in time, the liquid would have been spat out all over the room.


	3. Chapter 3

So... I started the one-sided FrUK in this chapter... Who will become girls? Will France grope England again? Will England fall for France? Will there be castration? And what the heck is an Aga? All will be revealed in Chapter 3 of... ALICE!

Still don't own any of this. D:

By the way, for all you Hetalia and Vocaloid nutcases, I'm writing a new fanfic that may appeal to you, called Hetaloid! It will be a series of oneshots, and the main character will be obvious AND anonymous! The distant way I'm writing it feels strange, but I prefer it like that. It' gonna be 2,000-4,000 wors, yay! ^.^ Per story, that is.

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><p><strong>Chapter 3: England and France<strong>

I was not a very happy girl. I was surrounded by idiots. Except Amy and the Doctor. They had something vaguely resembling an IQ, and the Doctor reminds me of America. He isn't beautiful or obnoxious, but over the centuries I have known the man, I learnt that he had an impulsive need to save everyone, and seemed crazy, but hid intelligence, albeit unintentionally.

"Okay, good men!" the Doctor shouted, after calling us all to be assembled in the dining room. He had evidently invaded my hat cupboard, as he was now wearing a red fez with a little Union Jack sticking out of the top. "And, uh, good… Women… Allons-y! Anyway, we all need a partner to help defend each other. You need to stick with this person, so-"

Pretty much immediately, everyone was standing with a partner. Russia was with China, and had his lead pipe out as if to destroy anything that came within a five-metre radius of the man/woman; the Doctor was with Amy; Germany and Italy were standing together, Germany's posture rigid, though he relaxed as Italy snuggled into him. Japan stood near them. Even Prussia had someone… Er... Canada, that was his name! This left two people.

"Oh, damn."

"Ohhonhonhon, England! We will have so much fun, non?"

"Doctor!"

He turned to me. "Yes, Kirkland?"

I pointed angrily at France. "How have I ended up with the frog? He will try and take away my-"

"Now, now, Alice, no need for talking about your personal life. And I doubt that you are a… Eh…"

France started laughing his annoying laugh again. I turned around and bought my knee up. Eiffel Tower: 0, Girl: 2!

"See!" beamed the fez-loving man. "You can handle yourself, especially with that big… Broom… Thing… Anyway, you're a girl! The higher species! He's a guy!"

"…You seem to have forgotten that a couple of days ago, I was also male."

"Ah, yes…"

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><p>Italy was in the kitchen, making pasta. I wondered whether wurst was meant to be added to the recipe. Anyway, Germany was cleaning up after Italy as the little Italian whizzed around the kitchen, singing as he went along. Japan had stuck some music into the stereo system, and another song had just come along. It was entirely in Japanese, but all three of the Axis seemed to know the lyrics off by heart.<p>

"Yugan da nichijou, yurusare nai ai, itsuwari no kokoro," began Germany.

"Kuroku nuritsubureta, fukanzenna ai, shikkoku no sekai," continued Japan.

"Zutto kimi ni ii takatta, tatta hitosu no kotoba na noni," Italy sang, His voice was high-pitched and slightly androgynous. "Osae kiete shoudou ga-"

"Kowarete shimau no nara!" The German finished the verse and began the chorus seamlessly, without missing a beat. "Aishi aisare kurui souna hodo ni, amaku atsui kuchizuke wa imitation!"

"Mahisuru kankaku tooku naru ishiki!" continued Japan, forgetting that France and I were here too. "Afureru omoi to shinjitsu, kuro de nuritsubushite!"

We watched them sing the song while cooking, and when it finished with a repeat of the first chorus, we clapped politely. Well, I chapped politely. France applauded like it was a wonderfully acted and expressed performance of Macbeth.

"Oh my! You Axis Powers are so close and amazing! If the World Wars were a Battle of the Bands, we would have lost terribly!"

I hit France over the head with my broom before he could spout any more pathetic drivel that may or may not be taken as offensive. "Shut up, Francey-pants. Nobody wants to hear any more of your moronic babble."

We glared at each other. I then turned to face the blushing Axis. "I won't compliment you since you're already embarrassed, but you were very good."

"Ang-"

"I KNOW I CONTRADICTED MYSELF!"

"Nein, England, it's more like-"

I whirled around to see a faceless, grey being. It had no clothes, but was androgynous. It hissed harshly, pointing at France. I had no idea how the transformation worked, but Italy started screaming and begging for mercy, while the others were in shock. When the Frenchman was hit by a stream of white light, everyone leapt into action. As he staggered backwards, I caught him and laid him on the floor as he began writhing. Japan pulled out a katana. Germany stepped in front of Italy. France moaned at the loss of "La Tour Eiffel." I had the first strike.

"Don't you DARE hurt France! Either you're on his side or mine!"

We had a sort of dodging competition. Germany shot at the monster, but instead hit my skirt as I jumped away from the target. Italy was Screaming, France was screaming, and the three of us were trying to get the androgynous genderbending alien away from us so we could get the screaming people to shut up in peace.

"Don't let the pasta boil over," said Germany to Italy. What the hell was he thinking? Had he finally lost his mind?

Evidently not. After a while, the pasta was cooked, but the water wasn't poured down the sink. Germany took the pasta-less water and threw it over the alien. It hissed loudly, almost screaming, and fired some white light out randomly at Italy. Germany saw this coming, and dived in the way of the light. He screamed, but the alien was already gone.

"Ludwig!" cried Italy. He ran over to his friend, panicking more than he had before, ever. "Please don't die! I don't want you to die!"

"I-I'm okay, Feliciano," grunted the German, already sounding more feminine. "It's just… I needed to protect you… Heh, don't worry… ARGH!"

"England," moaned France. She sounded really tired. "Why do my legs hurt?"

I turned around. "No idea. You might have gotten more muscles there. You look like the sort of girl to do that."

"Oh… Okay."

I helped her up, making sure that her hands stayed to herself. She stood for a while, but then fell. I caught her before she fell onto the floor again. France looked at me and smiled genuinely. "Thanks, Alice."

"You're welcome… Francoise."

We walked over to where Germany was getting up, with the help of Japan and Italy. Her chest was very large, but still muscular. She was less feminine than the rest of us – heck, she was pretty much still a man! – but she was pretty, with a beautiful face.

The song on the stereo had changed again, this time to a slow song on piano. I smiled. "We're all okay, right?"

"Apart from the fact that there are two more girls, yes, I guess."

We left the room in silence, after turning off the stereo and cooker.

"So, what do we do now?"

"Find the others, I guess."

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><p>"You had three more people than most groups have, and two of you STILL got changed? I know that alien is a quick worker, but can't you defend yourselves?"<p>

I groaned at the Doctor. "Yes. Do you have a problem with my inability to keep a group in an area while cooking without being attacked by an androgynous genderbending alien?"

He laughed and sighed. "Well, you seem happier."

"Yeah," I said. "Francoise hasn't been annoying me as much. She's actually better as a girl."

If he'd noticed anything, he didn't mention it.


	4. Chapter 4

I'm sorry. I've started getting writers block with this, so this is mostly filler. I had to get this up, so I'm sorry for the shortness.

I have not magically gained the rights to either Hetalia or Doctor Who in the long wait between this and the previous chapter. I don't own Fire Flower either. ^.^

Just so you know, the title for this means 'Girl' in Japanese, to the best of my knowledge. SPOILER. And this story will be about 12 chapters. Each is vaugely planned out.

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><p><strong>Chapter 4: Shoujo<strong>

Japan was awkwardly showering in England's bathroom. He had reassured his friends that he was completely fine and didn't need protecting while doing _that_. He more like demanded to be left alone. Mainly because he didn't want the others to hear what he was singing.

"Rike a fiiii-re frower~!"

Unfortunately, this attracted a little attention from the one he desperately wanted to avoid more that the Allies and the Axis put together.

A hissing noise came from behind the dull-eyed man as he wrapped a towel around himself. As he reached for his katana hanging from the door, a ray of light struck him on his back. The lithe grey figure was gone before he could even draw his weapon, and he was left writhing on the floor in pain. "Chikushō!"

His screams seemed to attract Germany, who broke open the door. She immediately ran to Japan and called over Italy, who was now the only part of the Axis who was still a boy.

"Kiku! The woman gasped. She laid the new girl on her side and used Feliciano's lap as a pillow for the girl.

The Axis stayed like that until Kiku began to wake up. Feli began bouncing at that point, causing Kiku to go an unpleasant shade of green. Louise got her over the toilet before anything came up.

"Feli! Zat vas ridiculously stupid! Vhat if you had made Kiku throw up? You would have to clean it up," the German scolded, washing Kiku's now slightly longer hair in the sink once she had emptied her stomach.

The Japanese girl moaned, her eyes opening slightly. They now held a little more of her soul in them. Her skin was smoother and she looked surprisingly feminine. Her chest was nowhere near as large as Louise's, but were still noticeable. The girl blushed as she realised that she was pretty much naked around a boy. She immediately bought up her towel around her body. "G-gomenaisai," she stuttered. "I didn't want you to see that."

"Ve~!" Feli laughed. "It's okay! I've seen-"

"FELI!" both girls shouted. "WE DO NOT NEED TO KNOW THAT!"

"I-I was only saying…"

Louise sighed and allowed Kiku to finish washing herself on her own. "It's okay, Feli. Ve all make mistakes… Some more often zan others… But it's okay. I've made mistakes before."

"Ve~! Really?"

"Ja. I let you join the Axis."

It took Feli a few minutes of dumb staring for him to realise that Louise was only joking. He then laughed and bounced while talking rapidly. "Hee hee! I knew you were just joking! Let's go and make some pastaaa!"

He skipped downstairs, as Louise and a barely-dressed Kiku followed quickly. When they got to the kitchen, an ear-piercing scream echoed throughout the house. They found Feliciano lying on the floor, crying and clutching a saucepan.

"F-Feli! Vhat's wrong?"

The Italian looked up at her, his amber eyes wide and shining with tears. They were hurt-filled depths of agony that wrenched at Louise's normally stoic heartstrings.

"G-G-Germany… There's no pasta left…"

"ZE HELL?"

* * *

><p>France and I were downstairs in the hallway. Francoise was now wearing a black miniskirt and blouse that I had made quickly but neatly. I had re-dressed in a grey pleated skirt that fell past my knees and long white socks. I also wore a white shirt and a tie with the Union Jack on it.<p>

"Why haven't we tried to escape yet?" asked the French girl.

I glanced at the door. "I'm not really sure. It might have something to do with the fact that I practically never leave the house without Alfred-"

"By choice?" interjected Francoise.

"Yes."

"Whose?"

I looked at her in the eyes. "Mine and his. We just go out at the same time. It's nice to be with someone you love when you go out."

Without thinking, France spoke up. "Will you go shopping with me in France?"

I blushed. "I-er… I guess… Of course!"

I went scarlet as France pulled me into a hug. It was just a hug! "Please-don't-grope-me-Frog!"

We broke apart, Francoise smirking and me scarlet. France stroked my long hair, making me close my eyes in happiness. I was glad that the Frog had finally stopped being a moron and started acting like a nicer kind of sister.

Francoise took my hand and pulled her to the door. "Where did you leave the key?"

I dived onto the floor and rummaged under the doormat. I emerged triumphantly with a key decorated with the Union Jack. "Here it is!"

I stood up and inserted the key into the lock. I turned it and tried to open the door. I tried again.

"Damn it! We're locked in!"

A terrifying scream echoed throughout the house, originating from the kitchen. I jumped to my feet. "Goddamn it, Italy!"

We ran to the kitchen. Italy was boiling hot water as Germany supervised with a female Japan. I spluttered. "What is it with you Axis Powers?"

"Axis Powers?" asked a voice from behind me. I turned to see Amy. "Does that make you, Franci-Francoise, Ivan, Yao and your boyfriend the Allied Forces?"

I swore in every language that immediately came to my head.

* * *

><p>"Okay, so you're personifications of nations?" said Amy uncertainly.<p>

I nodded; glad that Amy was taking this well. "Yes. And we're immortal."

"Okay… I can deal with that…"

Francoise smiled. "Now you know, you are allowed to call us by our country names."

The ginger thought for a second, and then said, "Oh. I think I'll still call you Alice and Francoise and things like that. It would feel weird if I-"

"Yes, yes," I said, the fact that I had heard this all before probably evident in my voice. "It's sort of important that we make an escape plan, since we're locked in-"

"WHAT?" the Axis powers all shouted.

I nodded. "This is why I don't allow people into my house. This is England. We have some weird stuff."

Germany glared at them. "Really? I had no idea. But vait, isn't ze alien from space?"

"Yes. The Doctor is too, but he's also an honorary Brit."

That was pretty much the moment that everyone began going crazy.


End file.
